Underworld underpar

I’ve just been to the cinema to see pert Brit (gotta love a tabloid encapsulation) Kate Beckinsale in Vampire and Werewolf crossover movie Underworld. With a trailer resembling a Matrix styled, bullet-time rip off, my hopes were not high. I did however find myself unable to resist mentally checking off every other film I’d seen that this borrowed from. Here goes, “Time to die” used in the dialog, oh please! - Bladerunner; human (called Michael no less!) in forbidden romance with vampire - The Lost Boys; much use of intravenous exchange of blood - George A. Romero classic Martin, Blade and Near Dark; set and leather-wear very Matrix / Blade, vampire culture very Anne Rice; bisecting with swords (you know, when half the baddie slowly slides to the floor as victim pulls long look of extreme constipation) seen in Kill Bill and others that escape me; mystical seals in the floor opening in an intricate fashion - Buffy; werewolf transformation - Company of Wolves,except they managed to make it so much scarier, even in 1984; giant werewolf itself - Brotherhood of the Wolf. Enough, you get the idea. Originality aside, the script is painful and delivered with such astonishing dead pan that it caused pockets of giggles across the audience (especially the big black werewolf with the misplaced Barry White vocal affliction). It also manages to be entirely unsexy, proving all the eyeliner, leather and large guns in the world can’t save a shallow plot and two-dimensional characters. Towards the end I found myself distracted by more inconsequential issues, could they only afford the bluer-than-blue eye effects (Oo! Dune - missed that one) for the last 15 minutes? Was that shot of Michael meant to emphasise the bulge in his trousers? Look at that spot on Kate’s chin! However, I can say Kate looks super in all that rubber and leather, with some really cool boots. It’s just a shame she was only required to look grumpy, shoot in slo-mo and jump out of windows for most of the film. If you’re a film geek you’ll enjoy spotting the references, but really this movie would have made a much finer music video, for Evanescence perhaps.