Yep, I got me a boat to live on, a 1920’s house boat with around 90 square feet living room, a huge red velvet sofa you could sleep on fully stretched out! …pictures soon, you are all going to want to be *me*!
…and get this, I have gainful employment at.. Cisco Systems! But before you get terribly excited that I’ve sold out and am wearing shoulder pads, clicky heels and a power suit, it’s not actually a high flying position.. I’m an err.. a *ahem* IT Analyst, in case you wondered that’s h e l p d e s k… Yes ladies and gents, some people start here but no, I am ending up here. I am the lowest of the low in a huge, grinding, corporate machine.
It’s not so bad - people send me lovely emails about what a star I am and how I do an inimitable password reset, with style, wit and charm.
I get my fun where I can.
In fact, as shit jobs go, the perks are ace. We have free fruit (no scurvy at Cisco!), oranges, apples, kiwis - sometimes bananas, but they go pretty quick…we get free freshly ground coffee, frothy cappucinos and tarmac esspressos. On arrival, I was issued an IBM thinkpad. Unfortunately it runs like a dog, and had a sticky keyboard, and near unusable “clitoris” pointer device, from the previous owner. All computers in Cisco come with a sneaky little thing called Altaris which logs all executables not included in the standard Cisco desktop image and probably a number or other things I haven’t discovered. Hrm.
I have already been submitted to several hours of recorded indoctrination where a fuzzy, Californian man holds a long winded seminar about the “Customer Service Mindset”. It’s all quite amusing. I like to answer the phone like Angelina Jolie’s Lara Croft, a sort of pony-club, posh girl with a hint of naughtiness. Since many of my callers are American, and they are easily impressed (sorry, yanks) it seems to be working, I have fanmail.