I did tell you I was visiting home, didn’t I? Ah, no matter, here’s an update.

Lovely Mik dropped me at t’airport (Sydney having rated 3rd in independent airport research – I’ve been stuck reading in-flight magazines for too long) and I didn’t have too much hanging around.

It occurred to me that you know your are getting older when they offer “window or aisle?” and you reply “aisle” thinking how handy it will be to access the loo with less hassle.

No fun freebies, personal TV or travel socks (these things have surprising longevity, my fuchsia Virgin travel socks lasted me 2 years) so I read my book for a while. I also forgot to book my Veggie meal, and normally they can drag one out for me but this time I was caught out and left hungry. To compensate I ate about 4 packets of the peanut rice cracker things and felt sick.

Anyway, I pre-emptively straddled myself across a vacant 4 seater, milliseconds after the seatbelt sign went off, which made me happy. I am a professional at “economy flight wiliness”.

Watched a Japanese movie about a middle aged “company man” who finds escapism assisting an old scientist complete his 30 year project, a manned space rocket. Terrible movie but I was feeling seretonilly challenged and welled up a bit at the end.

I arrived late in the evening at Kansai airport in West Japan, too late to explore. However I performed the hotel room ritual of bouncing around on the bed, playing with the TV, investigating the free stationary, casting clothes and other items recklessly on the floor and checking out the bathroom for power showers and fun toiletries.

Application of note in the hotel bathroom was the electronic toilet that had a bidet functionality with temperature controls, water pressure controls and adjustable angles of the spray utensil so you could access all areas of your undercarriage! My other favourite thing was the No Smoking sign that actually specified “No Smoking in Bed”, I think that’s that’s stylish. Had to check myself to stop from stealing it.

Thought I’d never get to sleep but actually passed out in minutes of laying down. Got a wake up call early for the free breakfast, most of which was stowed away in my bag for later (1 banana, 2 boiled eggs, 2 pieces toast, assorted jams and honey). I found the bathroom complimentary shower cap made a sufficient lunch bag.

Having grazed, I took the train to Rinku Town, 10 minutes from the airport. This is a fairly vile town saved (in my eyes) by the aging fairground that still functions, if seemingly lacking any custom. Wandered the “Marble Beach” noting with a sneer that in my country they are called “pebbles”. Had a comedy mime conversation with some older gentlemen cleaning the beach, neither parties had a clue but I think we all had fun. Managed a spot of shopping and bought myself another G-shock which is stupidly large and looks like it’s a child’s Action Man or GI Joe accessory. I can’t help myself. In my defense it did cost about a third of the London price and is only marginally more expensive than sending my old G off to Casio for a new battery. Oh, and it’s camouflage and cartoony, so who needs excuses!

The shopping and wandering took rather longer than I anticipated and true to form I ended up late, racing back to the hotel to check out and board my flight. Once through customs, and ferried to the gate by monorail, I found myself being hurriedly passed along like a baton in a rely race, by numerous anxious JAL air staff “Flight 422, Miss Newman?”, “ah, yes, that’s me” how nice to be famous!

So, you’re nearly up to date. This plane is much more pleasing with a personal TV and a pre-booked veggie meal (ooh! another tomato and cucumber roll with no spread, yum!). To date I have watched

* The Bourne Identity Ridiculous Matt Damon spy, thriller, amnesiac movie. I’d like to point out that in Primary School, we were explicitly prevented from creative writing that involved “waking up and it is all a dream” and I consider “waking up and who am I?” to be in the same boat. It’s a cheap trick and we’ve all seen it before.

* Tuck Everlasting Appalling Period tripe about an unhappy adolescent girl who discovers a family of immortals living in the forest her father owns. Peculiar love story ensues with perma-17 year old elfin boy (.. and isn’t the climate looking good for elfin boys right now?!). Why must all movies, drama etc that use immortality have to point out what a horrid burden it is, and how you’ll really regret it in the long run? How do they know? It’s just jealousy!

* Blue Crush Mostly teen and/or chick flick about gutsy surfer girl dealing with her ambition, responsibilities and relationships. In Maui. Lots of surfing footage and a vague moral that men are pretty pointless and if you have a hobby, do that instead.

More later. London in 4 hours..!