Howdy. Yesterday I returned from that peculiarity of Australian events, The Easter Show. Closer scrutiny of the ticket unearthed the name of the organisation behind this extravaganza, the Royal Agricultural Society. Despite claims of breakdancing and bungee rides I suspected prize bullocks and the like were on the itinerary. No matter, my housemate and I ventured forth with high expectations and promises of diving pigs and the largest horse in the world. Who could complain at that?

Some background, mostly taken from the quite-good-really official website.The Royal Agricultural Society was formed in 1822, in a colony of 30,000 people, over half being convicts. The first show was a year later when it was recorded that William Bull, a servant, received cash prizes for good conduct and faithful service. Strangely women servants were not judged until 1825, although I can’t tell if that is a good or a bad thing. In 1824 the the judging of alcohol was introduced. Exhibits were sampled with disastrous consequences. A newspaper reported “Reason was dethroned and madness and folly reigned in its stead.” Now that sounds quite marvelously Australian to me.

Other interesting facts about the Easter Show include that from the 1920’s to the mid-1950’s it was popular for it’s freak show “Sideshow Alley” which included a Chinaman with a head the size of an orange. Sadly this wholesome family fun was no longer in evidence (interesting buck-teeth, country folk aside).

We witnessed goat competitions presided over by a very serious man in a white coat who thoroughly examined the beasts from the nose to (under) the tail, petted prize piglets, marvelled at the muppet-like alpacas, cheered for the World championship of 345mm Woodchop, passed quickly past the live fishing show, was confounded by expert whip crackers with 25 foot long ropes (why? no idea), and got to boogie to the UrbanKorruption (they were Kool) breakdancing team. There was too much, in fact, for our weary bodies and although we missed the largest horse in the world and the diving pig were content to wander home but not before the spectacle of the Showbag Hall.

I had never heard of a showbag previous to this, and for any other confused individuals it’s a take-home gift pack of assorted items (often confectionery and toys) based upon a theme. The showguide lists all 249 bags available with descriptions of their content and the if-bought-separately-and-at-inflated-cost total price versus the special deal. I had cynically thought this was some heinous Americanism but in fact the showbag originated at the show in 1900 when it was noted that business was slack except where there was an opportunity to receive a free product sample, even if it was not particularly useful. Now you can choose from a dazzling array of bags from the Britney Spears showbag (1 BRITNEY SPEARS RIPPER WALLET, 1 BRITNEY SPEARS KEYRING, 1 BRITNEY SPEARS HARDCOVER ADDRESS BOOK , 1 INFLATABLE PHOTO FRAME ‘1 TRENDY HAIR PIECE ) to the predominately sugar-based Mega Sumo NO. 2 (1 ROCKER SUCTION FIGURE,1 WHOOPEE CUSHION , 5 WICKED CREAMING SODA BARS,5 ORANGE HARTBEATS,1 LEMON/LIME TANGY BAR etc) which I was reliably informed by a small boy, was better than the “shit one” last year.

My housemate was keen on the Mega Inflatables Blue (1 TEENAGE INFLATABLE SOFA ,1 INFLATABLE ROBOT DOG , INFLATABLE TABLE ,1 INFLATABLE PHOTO FRAME ,1 INFLATABLE BAT ,1 MUSICAL OSTRICH ) but was disappointed the the inflatable bat was not of the flying mammal variety, although we both were intrigued by the musical ostrich, which shall forever remain a mystery.

I however, discovered the Buffy the Vampire slayer showbag (1 BUFFY FASHION BAG, 5 BUFFY POSTERS, 1 BUFFY TATTOOS,1 BUFFY INFLATABLE DAGGER ,1 BUFFY NECKLACE ) and had to direct two, similarly aged, excited young women to the stall I had discovered holding this gem of a showbag.

Tickets for this event are priced around $30, although ours were curiously courtesy of the Road Transport Authority (we got friends in high places, donchaknow) and diving pigs and other shenanigans continue until Thursday the 24th of April.